Live pure, Speak true, Right wrong, Follow the King
Top Shortest Christian Books of the Year
Ed Wier (and a couple of our own additions) The Door Magazine
* Tolerance by the Southern Baptist Convention * Humility by Benny Hinn * An Amish Guide to Small Household Appliance Repair * Financial Advice for the Elderly by Robert Tilton * Practical Christianity by Tim La Haye * TBN's Guide to Modest Home Decorating * The Secret Sins of Billy Graham * Beauty Tips by Jan Crouch * Of No Reputation by Jesse Jackson * Abstract Biblical Art by The Watchtower Society * The Legacy of 20th Century Christianity in the Arts and Sciences * Facts Supporting the Young Earth Universe by Kent Hovind & Ken Ham
Some Thoughts on Elvis and Jesus
The Door Magazine
Jesus said: Love thy neighbor. Elvis said: Don’t be cruel.
Jesus is the Lord’s Shepherd. Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
Jesus is part of the Trinity. Elvis’ first band was a trio.
Jesus walked on water. Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
Jesus’ entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. Elvis’ entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
Jesus was resurrected. Elvis had a famous “comeback” TV special.
Jesus said: If any man thirsts, let him come unto me and drink. Elvis said: Drinks are on me. (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
Matthew was one of Jesus' biographers. Neil Matthews was one of Elvis’ biographers.
Jesus’ countenance was like lightning and his raiment white as snow. (Mt 28.3) Elvis wore snow white jump suits with lightning bolts. (Las Vegas, 1968)
Jesus taught of grace in a near eastern land. Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.
Jesus was first and foremost the Son of God. Elvis’ first recorded with Sun Records; today they are considered to be his foremost recordings.
Jesus was the Lamb of God. Elvis wore mutton chop sideburns.
Jesus’ Father is everywhere. Elvis’ father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.
Jesus was a carpenter. Elvis’ favorite high school class was wood shop.
Jesus said: Man shall not live by bread alone. Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.
Here are some actual bumper stickers which, we hope, will help us all be a little more sensitive to nonbelievers.... Amen?
The Bear
The Door Magazine author unknown
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!" The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you God, for the food I am about to receive...."
A Christian T-Shirt We Never Want To See. x
Brit, Frenchman, and a Russian
author unknown
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
Mormon’s Lord’s Prayer
by Shane Matsumoto The Door Magazine
Our Father ... in a planet far, far away Pregnant be they dames. Bringham Young, and Bringham often On Earth while we bicycle them into our personal planets in heaven Give us this day our Winter Olympics And forgive us our Debts Accrued from bribing the Olympic Commitee. And lead us not into monogamy, But deliver us from Federal Law and international scorn. For thine are the Caucasian spirits and the geneological records and our special underwear forever. Amen
10 Reasons to be Worried About Your Church
by Craig Mosher The Door Magazine
10. Stained glass windows depict scenes from Armageddon. 9. Fears of malaria surge as big hair allows deadly mosquitoes to multiply. 8. Pastor’s designated parking place is a helicopter pad. 7. Ushers brandish cattle prods during the offering. 6. Seeker-sensitive approach to common-cup communion features the question, “Would you like fries with that?” 5. Desperate choir director resorting to high-pressure tacticsfor recruitment, including a hired thug named Guido. 4. All singles have been exiled to monasteries and cloisters, some taken kicking and screaming from their messy apartments late at night. 3. Organist is a former employee of Roller-Rama Skating Park. 2. Pastor showing dangerous Amway tendencies. 1. Levitical stonings in the courtyard make before-service coffee and donuts less and less appealing.
Buddhist Carols That Never Quite Made It
The Door Magazine
Oh Little Town of Bohd Gaya (How Still We See Thee Lie)
Here Comes Lama Tsoh, Here Comes Lama Tsoh, Right Down Lama Tsoh Lane
I’m Dreaming of a White Tara
Hark, the Herald Sangha Sing (Glory to Cherdup Ram Ling)
