sex, lies, and fire escapes
Maelstrom on Christians and Premarital Sex
Gruamuc is one happy demon apprentice tempter, yessiree-bob. The young Christian man he has been assigned to reclaim for hell — his "patient" — is considering having sex with his girlfriend. This excites Gruamuc enormously because he has tempted long and hard to get him this far. It is such a major breakthrough for this young and naïve little demon because his patient is still a virgin. Surely his big brother, an Under Secretary to the High Command of Hell will be proud of him; surely big brother Maelstrom will congratulate him on a job well done and praise him for his conquest. And surely the God of the Universe — Maelstrom’s and Gruamuc’s so-called "Enemy" — must be worried now. On the next few pages is Maelstrom’s reply to Gruamuc’s most happy last correspondence.
Maelstrom and Gruamuc were introduced in Murder He Wrote — Maelstrom on Christians & Abortion. The premise for their imaginary relationship is based on C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters. There, a demon named Screwtape writes to advise his nephew, Wormwood. Neither that book nor these tracts are meant to present orthodox doctrine of the exact goings-on in the supernatural realm; they are merely meant both to bring to light the fact that there is a real spiritual battle taking place for human souls and to expose some of the tactics possibly being used to accomplish this murderous task...
My dear little brother Gruamuc,
Your patient has actually considered having sex with his girlfriend. Oh my! Well now, I guess it’s time for me to alert the Hosts of Hell! "Gruamuc’s patient is considering fornicating with his girlfriend! A victory for Our Father’s forces! Heaven is negotiating surrender!" I shall scream this at the top of my voice throughout the depths of the Underworld! You moronic boob! Considered it?! "FALLEN" is what we want to hear down here. The when and how you made your patient fall into sex is the news we await, you little twit! Your immaturity stuns me. But, since you are a relation — only the Enemy knows how — I suppose I’m required for some reason to let you in on some methods that have worked for me in causing the Enemy’s herds to succumb to our temptations.
Let me preface my advise with some small but significant points: 1) The Enemy sees nothing wrong in merely being tempted to sex. Temptation is not equal to sin. I thought you learned that in your first year. 2) He sees nothing wrong with the act itself. After all, He created this activity by which humans can give and receive pleasure, just as He created for them the pathetic "pleasures" of eating and drinking and the smell of flowers and the feel of spring. He also gave them sex not only as a pleasure but also as a means of "creating" more of their repulsive species. (Imagine Him giving this ability to these low-life, and not to us. Our Father Below is still insanely jealous of this; his jealousy is part of the reason why we devote so much time to sabotaging this part of Creation.) The point is, Gruamuc, just as in everything else the Enemy creates, there is also purpose and function to sex.
Now the question that naturally follows is: How can we take something created for those beasts and make them turn around and use it against Him? Have we now been disarmed? May it never be! You see, the Enemy has put a sort of "time limit" on sex. He never told them to enjoy this pleasure from the moment they were able; He tells them to wait until marriage! He never said to become one physically whenever the hormones so moved them; He tells them to wait until they are one spiritually. This is our loophole and it should immediately follow that our purpose and function in this area then is to bring together two unmarried humans and, as a result, separate them from their God.
I can only now imagine your tiny, noncreative, puerile mind blithering out, "But how, Maelstrom, how?" (I wonder what has happened to our fine Educational Department when I see unimaginative types like you crawling out of it.) As we have dealt with this lot from Eden, Gruamuc — mix the Truth with lies. If you can manage that and get him believing that "sex is not all that bad," that he can bend the rules ever so slightly only in this "tiny little area" of his life, then you can pull back the sheets —he’s on his way to bed.
The truth is that sex is indeed a natural desire; your patient is meant to be fulfilled. We want to distort that truth by causing him to dwell on his desires, while hiding from his sight the Enemy’s restriction. A good rule — now, as always — is to use the Truth only so far as you can in order to bring him to us; It is only to be a lure and you must never reveal It in Its fullness — that would expose us. Once you’ve become proficient enough at manipulating It, you’ll discover that your patient may continue to see only the half-truth even after he has fallen, and even then use it to justify his actions! "But I was only fulfilling my God-given natural desires!" he will whine, in essence blaming the Enemy for his fall. How many times have we heard those words uttered from the fools!? Is it part truth? Yes. Part lie? Yes. Complete sin? Yes! Thank you, that’s just what we ordered.
Now follow along carefully; I am about to bequeath to you just a couple of methods of entrapment. There are many more, but these, at least, will start you off on the right hoof:
He "loves" his girlfriend, does he not? And does not one who is in love, make love? Therefore, sex must be part of any complete "loving" relationship, must it not? What a maze of illogic! We have been extraördinarily successful in America in equating "love" to the sex act. We have managed to make the phrase "making love" so meaningless that it’s possible for two complete strangers to "make love" yet remain even afterwards total strangers. Your patient should be made to see the instant physical gratification of our version of making love, yet remain completely blind to the Enemy’s version; one which involves commitment, responsibility, respect, protection, fidelity, and adherence to his rôle in the relationship; a "making love" that can last a lifetime.
When your patient is out with his girlfriend you’ll want to make sure to keep his eyes focused on the end of the evening. This will help to transform his girlfriend. How so? It works by slowly and seductively changing her — in his eyes — from a woman by the Enemy’s definition into our type of woman; from a human being with feelings, emotions, strengths, weaknesses, cares, needs, and personality into a thing by which he can experience his fantastical pleasures. And by dwelling on satisfying these immediate desires, he will conveniently forget the future consequences of taking on the responsibility of premarital sex, which are many (humans imprisoned in the Present rarely take time to consider the Future). He won’t think of the impending guilt — the Enemy’s unique way of letting him know he’s rebelled. He can’t at this point even begin to imagine the emotional strain it will put on his relationship with his girlfriend — breaking the Enemy’s laws has this tendency to destroy peace of mind and infect an out-of-will relationship like a disease. Does he believe in using birth control? No matter, really. If he does, he will compromise his faith in obtaining the devices (hide it under a bushel? yes!). If he will not consider birth control or if he is just under the it-will-never-happen-to-me delusion, the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy is that much greater. And the unplanned human child, of course, leads to all sorts of potential fun for us — familial estrangement, an embarrassing wedding (if any), paternal abandonment, financial stress, completely unprepared and immature parents, academic and career interruptions, or, hopefully, the possibility of abortion, our pride and joy. What a tangled web we weave...
We have made your job easier through some careful and thorough planning down here. Through our agents working in the mass media, we have managed to work sex into just about all aspects of American life. One would be hard-pressed to turn a channel or see a movie or hear a song or page through a magazine without being exposed to some sort of sexual titillation. With so great a cloud of our witnesses about, you can place upon him so great an illusion of sexual pressure that he can do nothing but exclaim, "How can I last until marriage? Everyone else is doing it! I’ll never make it!" This state of mind can be used to destroy his relationship with his girlfriend, whether she concedes or not. Our whiny self-fulfilling prophet will transfer the pressure onto her — "But don’t you love me?" After all, if his girlfriend really does love him, as she claims, shouldn’t she be willing to prove it in bed? (Oh, this emotional blackmail routine takes me back to my days as an apprentice.) If she caves in to his self-pity, then we have killed two sheep with one stone. If she does not fall to his (our) temptation, he will be grossly disappointed and leave her eventually to look elsewhere: end of relationship.
But whatever may happen between them in this case, his relationship with the Enemy will surely be damaged: "Why does He place on me such impossible demands? What does He think I am, some kind of superman? How does He expect me to last until marriage? I am so weak...etc., etc." NEVER allow someone from the Enemy’s camp to show him that regretful promise about how He will provide for them a way out of any and every temptation. NEVER let him reflect on how completely possible it is to wait until marriage. NEVER let him reason that he can have a fulfilling relationship now without sex. This "horrible burden" of virginity and of being "incomplete" is one they pack for themselves. Make it heavier for him. Make him fall under its weight.
I see from your last letter that you have managed, for a change, not to question the motives of Our Father Below, in this case with respect to his determination to profane the pleasures of sex. But it’s probably only because you are too dim to even wonder why. Well, as you’ve hopefully been taught already, sins of the flesh are less damaging than those marvelous sins of the soul such as Pride (our favorite) or Greed or Lust or Jealousy or Hate. So why spend any time on this physical front? you may ask. One reason is because, of course, anything the Enemy considers sacred or set apart, we have a duty to run through the mud. He has given them the gift to "create;" we will do what we must to profane that gift.
But, more importantly, we see fornication as a stepping stone to those other, more damaging sins of the soul. You can bring him there by making sexual pleasure a higher priority in his life than it deserves; a higher priority than obedience to the Enemy. Thus, he obeys the pleasure rather than Him; the creation rather than the Creator. (Are you catching on yet?) And in doing so he learns better to put his own will above the Enemy’s, he becomes less willing to "fight the good fight," and he opens up for himself the whole smörgåsbord of problems previously mentioned. He is preparing himself for our oven; dinner will soon be served.
Now, once your patient has fallen (he will fall, Gruamuc, won’t he?) your job is not yet complete. You must condemn him now with all that is within you; again, by mixing the Truth with lies. Make him feel horribly unclean (the truth), but make him feel like he can never approach the Enemy again and get cleaned up (the lie). You know why we don’t want him groveling up to His throne: the Enemy actually loves the buggers so much He is willing to forgive them, provided that they recognize their rebellion, turn from their ways, and try once more to follow His will (i.e. repent). What’s worse though, Gruamuc, is that He is willing to forget about it. He says He will remember their sins no more. In effect, they are once again virgins in His eyes! Absolutely preposterous! And so very unfair to us after all our work. Why, I could tell you stories about my early tempting days and His wretched love-and-forgiveness routines that would cause you to give up right now. Once I was in charge of...
[At this point, Maelstrom spends the next page and a half of manuscript on an historical, hysterical review of some of his past patients who were reclaimed by "the Enemy" before their death. For the sake of brevity it has been deleted. Ed.]
...and so don’t be surprised if it happens to you; it will. Well, I seem to have diverged....Oh yes...
Once he has collapsed into either a fantasy life of sex or the real physical life itself, he must face a fire. Either his faith will begin, or continue on, a long collapse into apostacy and he will eventually face our fires here below, or he will repent to the Enemy and face His. Our fire is meant to consume the soul; His fire is meant to heal it — it’s part of His purification process. There are actually people in the Enemy’s camp who would expect to escape both fires. They cannot. It is one or the other. The Enemy wants to take the fallen and put them through His fire now and burn off the rubbish in their lives, giving them instead the strength they need to serve Him and fight us; He doesn’t want them falling deeper and deeper into our Pit. It’s painful for them — temporarily — but it may save them from us. They might have to lose a boyfriend or girlfriend; they might have to take a sabbatical from dating; they might have to jettison some magazines or videos. But all of these are meant by the Enemy to make them conquer their addiction and become more like the sons and daughters He intended them to be. Only then can they be free.
Some would rather not face Him altogether. You’ve heard of those humans who would rather not go to a doctor and be diagnosed with cancer because they might actually have the disease and they fear the inevitable pain of surgery and therapy. They believe that if they ignore it, things will be alright. They irrationally choose a slow, agonizing death, instead. Need I say more? Make your patient afraid of the Doctor’s surgery. Paint the Enemy as the Almighty Castrating Surgeon ready to shout from His throne (should your man ever show up there), "Never shall you be fulfilled sexually! NEVER! You shall forever be celibate if you plan on being saved and escaping hell-fire! Sex is evil, evil, EVIL!!" Who would want to face that? Our creative, albeit completely deceptive, image of the Enemy here is widespread and is one reason why the world sees the Church as so repressively anti-sex. So the last thing you want is for your patient to go running back to the Enemy like some wretched, repenting prodigal son. The last thing you want him to see are the waiting, open arms of the Enemy, ready to receive him. The last thing you want him to hear are the words, "Welcome back, my son. You are forgiven. Let’s begin again."
Ultimately then, Gruamuc, your job is to cause your patient to fall, to fall hard, and to remain fallen. It’s not so difficult as it seems. Today in America we are in such control that even the Enemy’s elect are being deceived and falling like flies to our plague of illicit sex. Some are so under the illusion that sex is acceptable nowadays—that the writers of that Book were merely referring to ancient times in their condemnation of premarital sex—that we need not even fear if this letter is somehow intercepted by His people. Most will simply ignore it.
We know that the Enemy wants them to enjoy themselves sexually but that He only gives His blessing to sex within the bounds of marriage. We know that the physical realm is woven irretrievably into the spiritual; that falling to the physical temptations can reek inevitable havoc in a soul still willing to be considered His. But when all is said and done, with all we do know, even we don’t fully understand the mystery of sex. But who of us is really concerned? One need not fully understand how something works in order to destroy it.
Your devoted brother,